I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
