she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
