I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
