For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just cropdusted the office
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
