Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
