I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
