Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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