Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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