i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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