I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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