we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
