Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
