I skipped work to stalk him.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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