apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
