I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
