Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
