I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
