I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
