I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
