We're like a lot better than the average bears
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
