Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
