I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
