i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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