OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
