I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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