shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
