butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
