Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
