sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
