I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
