It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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