Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
