Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
