Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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