If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
