don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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