that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The uberlube is also flammable
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
