I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
