honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
