Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
