I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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