If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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