I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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