margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
