Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
