32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
we're so committed to being not committed
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
