u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
