they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
