So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
