ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
