I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
